I never really loved my own city much. I always felt pretty friendless and lonely here and I thought it was due Antwerp and the people in it. It was my dream to move to a place like London or New York; cities where it would take an entire day to visit only one street. I thought moving to Brussels was going to change my entire life and was going to make me incredibly happy. I was going to make more friends, I was going to be cooking up whatever I wanted every night and I was going to get more motivated for school.
Once moved, I started to realize what I had left behind. I didn’t meet more and better friends like I expected, I hated cooking due the tiny and shared kitchen, I was stressing about food and money all the time, I didn’t like what I was studying anymore (read more about my student-experiences HERE) and came home to no one who I could talk to about it. I thought I had nothing at home and was going to be so happy in another city. This appeared the total opposite.
Here’s what I realised:
- I’m very lucky to have grown up in the most beautiful home. (with a very roomy kitchen)
- I have the best parents ever who gave me a lot of freedom (sometimes even a little too much). So it wasn’t freedom I had to go seeking in Brussels. It was just that I didn’t know what to do with that freedom.
- My friends in Antwerp ARE enough. It was just me who wasn’t doing an effort to get close to them.
- Brussels is a beautiful city and I am totally in love with it, but Antwerp is where my heart is. It’s my safe cocoon where I know the places and people.
- Don’t eat things that have been in your cupboard for too long.
I also have to mention that meeting my boyfriend has played a huge part in me starting to love and appreciate the city I grew up in. I don’t like being away from him since he’s my lover, best friend and life-coach. And since he’s originally from the Netherlands I rediscovered Antwerp with him.
This sounds very cute and all but it’s really like this. I don’t ever sleep at my parents house anymore and whenever I’m in Antwerp I stay at his apartment. This was very hard for quite a while because I felt like I was forever visiting someone and had no home. My room in Brussels didn’t feel like home, neither did his apartment and neither did my parents’ house feel like home anymore. It was a very weird feeling an it made me unhappy and lost. Scrolling through the Internet I came across this quote:
I’m not good at “going with the flow”. But this made me realize that I was overthinking it way too much. I have found someone I love and that is enough for now. Sometimes home doesn’t have to be a fysical thing. I’m allowing myself to come to Antwerp more often now because that’s where I feel happiest. My boyfriend and I also started to change his interior a bit. We’re moving things around and have already purchased a few new items. It’s so much fun to create a home together, but it’s a very long and expensive process. Especially for me since this is my very first year of living alone and I have to start from ZERO. But I learnt to appreciate the process. You cannot hurry it, because it takes money and a lot of hunting for the right pieces.
So, now you know my current “living” situation. I’m looking forward to writing some posts about how things are going with the flat and about our interior inspirations. So stay tuned!
I wrote this post a week ago and it made me realize how much happier I am in Antwerp living with my boyfriend than I am on my own in Brussels. I actually took the courage to start looking for someone else to rent my room. I say ‘courage’, because it was very hard for me to admit to myself that this is how I feel. I thought of it as “weak”. But after all, I think you just have to listen to yourself and do what makes you feel best. And if this is what I need to be happier, then that is what I need to do. Is there anything more important after all?